I AM PURE PUNKROCK

2011-09-24T13:21:00.002+08:00

My worst fears are coming true..
Please don't do this to me..
:'(
I'm dying here..
Don't leave me..
Please..
I can't sleep, when I do, I dream only of you.
I cry in my sleep.
I can't eat. I don't get hungry anymore. If I do, I'd have no mood to eat.
I can't think. I forget things. I lose my concentration. When I can think, I think only of you.

My life sucks so bad right now, I don't know what I'm put on this earth for.
I'm just useless. I might as well not be alive.

I love my baby. For the record.
I've never loved anyone more.

2011-07-12T17:55:00.002+08:00

I'm worried.

I'm standing on a busy street. Cars speeding by, people walking and chattering, busy to get about their lives. And I need to get across the street. But I have to find the damn traffic light or the zebra crossing before I can make my way across. I frantically search for that gap in the street with the white stripes, but it's nowhere to be seen. It's there, somewhere, I just can't find it. I need to get across before it's too late.
I get people around me to show me the way, and I get hints of where the crossing is.
But it's getting dark. Really dark. I can't help but feel that if I don't work harder, and faster, to get where I need to, I'd be shut out for good.
The light's dimming now. I raise my hands out in front of me, and I can barely see my fingers. I'm scared.
Everyone else has made their way across, and I can't rely on anyone anymore. The darkness overwhelms. Soon it's pitch black. And I can't see. I can't see, and I can't hear. It's silent. Everything's dead.
I'm alone. And I can't go anywhere. The people I love, and need, are gone. I can't see them.
It's a long way across the street and I can't sense them, and neither can they sense me.
I had one chance to do it right, and I blew it.
I've lost my will.
I've lost the light.
I can't go on.
I'm hopeless.

I don't want that to happen.
I used to be invincible.
But now I stand to lose alot.
I stand to lose a whole future.
I stand to lose my loved ones.
My baby love.
I don't want her to leave me because of how incompetent I am.
I'm afraid she will.
I have to do something!
Even if it kills me, I will do something.
Anything.
Not just for me.
But for you to stay by me.
I love you.
Don't ever go.

2011-06-06T01:23:00.002+08:00

Blank.
That's it.
I should definitely be writing more. It's getting harder and harder to work the crank in this brain of mine.
No. I should definitely be THINKING more.
I don't think anymore.

Well, it's okay.
I'll write something awesome soon.

For now,
I AM HAPPY.
period.
I'll only be really happy once I get myself a job and lotsa money.

love you darling...

Hate To Say I Told You So

2010-11-11T23:37:00.005+08:00

Hate to say I told you so.
A very nice song from The Hives. An old song, but forever relevant.

My dreams haunt me. I dread every second when my eyes are closed. When my breath slows down to a crawl, silent and lifeless am I. It's the constant clockwork of my subconsious mind that bugs me.
I dream. I dream of wonderful things.
Things so perfect I should want to stay in slumber forever.
But no.
I don't.
For it is only in dreams that my life is flawless, pieces fitting together so effortlessly like a child's jigsaw puzzle.
But alas, my heart sinks deeper than the Titanic, deep, so deep the pressure crushes the throbbing fist of muscle that keeps me alive. It sinks when I awaken from time in dreams to realise that perfection was only a figment of my imagination. Merely a substandard mental manifestation of my inner most desires.
I wake up to see, with those eyes that were comfortably closed, the life which I dread now.

I am empty.
Nothing but an empty vessel, like a depleted oil drum, rolling down a dark alley, making so much noise.

And it hurts more to see that what I want, is taken for granted by so many other people.
And it hurts to see that those other people, are better off if I were to be an influential part of their life. A significant part of their lives.
Unfortunately, people make lousy choices, and they end up with the same bullshit that they promised themselves to get out of.

Give me a chance. To some, second chances. To others, at least look my way.
I strive to be, not rich, not successful, but to be the best kind of man a guy can be.
And I am confident that, although I haven't reached perfection, I am definitely superior to most others in so many ways.
I try to be near you every chance I get.
I try to listen to you every chance I get.
I try to make you smile every chance I get.

But I know where I stand.
You I will never have.
But for what it's worth,
I would love to make you happy.
And at the very least, I will be there whenever you need me.
Whoever you are.

Azhar Punkrocker

2010-09-19T23:40:00.004+08:00

Welcome to my newly revamped blog.
Not much difference.
haha.

People always come to me to complain about how depressing my blog posts are.
I'm not emo or anything, but c'mon lah, my life sucks.

Don't get me wrong, I am lazy, period. Yes. But I'm not ignorant towards the fact that I have problems that need to be settled.
Trust me, I am doing everything in my power to fix it.
Give me time people.
That's money and what not.

How about friends?
Forget all my punk or punkrocker friends, poker friends or whatever. They're good.
There's a certain group. As close as I was to them, or, seberapa banyaknya masa aku spend ngan dorang, I've always felt left out.
Outing tak ajak, ape tak ajak.
Jalan raya, takpe lah, tak ya ajak aku pe.
One of the reasons I got so depressed during a certain point of time, is because I feel left out.
Ada orang lain jugak pe yang korang tak spend as much time as before pe, those people kau ajak.
Asal tak leh ajak aku???!?!?!?!

:'(

Sembarang ah. Raya pun tak important pe.

FML

2010-07-26T23:59:00.001+08:00

WELCOME TO MY BLOG ELLY! :P

I Miss You

2010-04-30T00:10:00.006+08:00

I know I've blogged about how much I miss the various people in my life.
But never, or at least very rarely, have I ever mentioned their names here.

I think, now, these people have moved on far enough for me to have the courage to write their names down. Because I know things will never be the same again.
These people were a significant part of my life,
and I care for them so much.

Here's to you.

I MISS SAW
You were like the girlfriend I never had. I love you alot, and my words are just not good enough to express how I feel.
I miss you so much.
Things never really kicked off for us.
But if ever I had the chance, or the courage to have done something about it, I certainly would have. I would've taken every opportunity to show you how much I care for you.
You're far away now. and you're busy with your new life.
I hope you do well in school, and love life.
I miss your hugs and kisses.
And your sometimes narcissistic view on life and all the people in it.
I think of you when I listen to Jason Mraz's Bella Luna.
and I always lose my mood when I start thinking of you, because all I can think about would be being with you.
I just love you.
not enough I guess.
No, I dont miss you alot, I miss you the most right now.

I MISS NADIA
You're a very special girl.
You're infinitely beautiful,
You're so smart, you make me look pathetic.
I care for you as much as any other,
and I dare say I love you if you permit me.
The short amount of time that we spent being close to each other wasn't really how I would've wanted it to be. It was amazing being with you, but I would've wanted more.
You were everything I ever wanted.
Unfortunately, I never had the balls to really tell you how I felt.
Remember there was this one time, I wrote some poems and posted it here?
of how Romance was like a diamond fish, that swam away to another shore?
that was about you.
In fact most of the other poems were about you.
You gave me life, and motivation. You got my brain working again.
I miss your hugs alot also.
I miss how close we were.
If I had the courage before, I would've asked you out on a PROPER date.
I loved spending time with you.
I wanted to spend EVERYDAY with you.
How I wish you didnt swim away.

I MISS KAS
I know I still see you and speak to you.
But you dissappoint me so much I feel so unmotivated to continue.
yet,
I still care for you so much.
I don't know why, but I do.
I know the age difference is ridiculous.
and I knew if anything were to happen, it would've never lasted.
But I was willing to give it my all. I would've made it the best relationship you ever had if it happened.
Unfortunately, it didnt.
You made some really lousy choices and I've been feeling shitty about it ever since.
I try, I swear I try, to talk to you and be normal around you.
But my heart sinks every time I see you looking at me, every time you say my name, every time you sit next to me.
There was this time, you wanted me to accompany you to Siraj's house. At first I didn't want to, but you persuaded me to go. Then you replied "Yaaayyy, I love youuuu"
I still have that SMS.
and the time you were angry at me for not talking to you.
I still have that SMS.
I still care for you alot Kas, and I will always be there for you, and stand up for you.
But I'm sorry if I've neglected you, I just feel like breaking down sometimes.

I MISS IFFAH
I miss you because you're the only person to have ever officially stepped into my life. You're the only one to have met my parents. You're the only one I have ever called a Girlfriend.
I can't say you're the best GF, because you're the ONLY GF.
but you were wonderful, most times. haha.
you're definitely smart, and confident, and hard-headed.
You awaken in me, passion.
Not just in love, but in anything I do. I learnt to be strong, matured, and over-confident. haha.

but I have to tell you this.
and you know I'm always right.

You have to get it into your head that people will care for you.
You didnt have to make me love you, I already did.
So saying and doing things, in an effort to make me love you was pointless.
Just be yourself and the love will come.

And I still love you.
but that doesnt mean that I die die HAVE to get back with you.
How I phrase the sentence is important.
I still love you.
not,
I am still IN love with you.
I will always be there when you need me,
and you will be my best friend forever.
If we ever get back into a relationship, good lah.
but if it doesnt, I don't care.
Because you're always there, and we will always, somehow, still be great friends.
Cruising Together, that's the song that reminds me of you.

I MISS WEEN
I know we've moved on sooooo farrr, we've forgotten each other.
But this is just to let you know, that you were a huge part of my life when we were 'dating'.
There was this one time, I was texting you, and suddenly you replied
that you have a boyfriend, and that you were sorry if we couldnt communicate as often.
I swear to you, I dropped my phone and started tearing.
I didn't cry. I just felt really sad.
And, as usual, I didn't reply you after that lah.
But you're happy now, and it doesn't matter. I've moved on anyway.
I still think of you though every time All About You by McFly is on.

I MISS FIZA CHERUBICA
Now this is old school.
I knew you back when I was in Lasalle. or before that maybe.
That's like 7/8 years ago?
I really really really really liked you.
and I never had the courage to tell you how I felt.
I would've asked you out if I was more of a man before.
Now, we dont talk as often, and I am too damn ashamed to ask you out.
You've moved up in the world, and have done so much for yourself.
I on the other hand, am STILL a punk.
But I'll always remember you.

That's all .
I don't think I've missed out anybody.

So there's a lesson in all this.
Make a move, before she moves on.

I'll never get that. haiz.

ooh...

I MISS ATIE
I do miss you alot. Really. You're such a nice girl.
I'll write more about you soon.

2010-04-30T00:09:00.001+08:00

On the other end of my emotional highway though,
I feel really crappy.
As usual.

Somebody once said:

How we are valuable is more important than how valuable we are.

But when I come to think about it, I can never really know how I am valuable.
I don't have anybody who can really appreciate me enough to tell me that I'm valuable.
Ultimately, I'm alone.
STILL
Am I not valuable?

Finally, I don't know who to talk to...
but
I am not mad at you.

I'm furious, dissappointed, dumbfounded, sad, confused and starting to lose hope.
I'm sorry,
but you keep making me feel down.

and I know I make you feel down when I'm down.
sorry.

bleargh....
haiz...

My New Life

2010-02-08T06:54:00.004+08:00

I love my new job. I wake up early everyday, eager to go to work. I know some of you who might be working there, or who are working in general, would be thinking "alaa, ni semangat kejap je." But I'm just happy that I'm making a change in my life.

Can't wait to see the results of all my hard work..

I never want to take an MC ever for the rest of my career.

2010-01-01T20:22:00.005+08:00

KAS
.

This is the first time I've included somebody's name in a blog post to someone.

Firstly, I do not hold a grudge against you, I am not angry at you and I do not hate you. I do not want you to be angry at me or whatever when you see me outside.

I need you to understand that.

I just chose to ignore you because I've made up my mind not to get too close anymore.

For the past month or more, I've been contacting you, hanging out with you and such.

And you have made me feel so comfortable, so attached, so infatuated with you to say the very least. And as you know, I've been out of love for so long, and having someone with me can be more than a pleasure. You made me miss you, and want you and made me forget about the past hurt that I've been through.

You'd ask for me to sit beside you. Have my arms around you. You wanted me to spend the night with you. You had your head on my arm, lying beside me, trying to sleep. That and so many more things. How can I not grow to love?

In previous 'relationships', it wouldn't be uncommon for another guy to come in and 'potong jalan', and more than once, by somebody that I know. That has happened to me so many times before.

And for it to happen again would be unbearable. Unfortunately, I feel it has again.

You let me get so close, you led me to believe that there was hope for something. And I find out you're so obsessed with somebody else. Somebody who you got to know only after me. And it hurts me that it's somebody I know.

And it hurts me even more, when I see pictures and blog posts about you and him and etc2.

It hurts me to see how you get jealous when he's out with his ex or something.

That they live so close.

blah.

and I'm not saying I'm not angry at the guy or anything. I am. It's just that this post is only about you.

In the end, it got me thinking, wondering, "was she really into me? or did i get the wrong signals?"

either way, your actions have brought me up and shot me down. and it sucks.

So I try now not to be too close, not to get too attached anymore, cos it will only end in heartbreak. But it's difficult.

so yes. i expect a reply. an acknowledgement that you've understood what i said.

take care kas.

2009-12-30T03:17:00.001+08:00

DON'T GET CLOSE WITH SOMEBODY, IF YOU INTEND TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

2009-11-14T17:26:00.001+08:00

I am depressed.

I need female companionship.

In every sense of the word.

I feel like dying.

2009-08-30T00:13:00.004+08:00

I am still very depressed.

Time and again I witness somebody I really have feelings for slip through my fingers and fall into the hands of another man.

If I were a businessman and relationships were my business, I'd be out of a job, cos of my inability to secure any deals.

I'm also sad that nobody out there is open enough to understand my views on religion and atheism.
Well maybe not nobody, but too damn few.

Religion is a topic that invokes anger and disgust if you try to debate about it's fundamentals.
People who believe in religion and god are very prone to get offended when you talk about their faith in that sense.

haiz.

2009-08-08T00:38:00.004+08:00

Okay, so Arshanti wasn't with X-Core.
I apologize.

But the rest of what I said still stands.

OH.
AND NOBODY MESSES WITH MY SAW.
I saw her name on the Anti Minahs and Kenings 2.0 Facebook page.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THAT PISSED ME OFF!

IF EVER I SEE HER NAME BEING TARNISHED AGAIN, I'M GONNA KILL THE PERSON WHOSE RESPONSIBLE FOR IT.

An Eye For An Eye Leaves Everybody Blind - Anti Minahs and Kenings 2.0

2009-08-07T19:36:00.004+08:00

Fight fire with fire, and you'll get burnt.

Do you know why I got into the Punk scene?
Well firstly, cos I liked the music.

2nd of all, to me, it shows how I am proud of being an individual. A unique being. One person, different, somehow, from the rest. In what I believe in, in the things I wanna do, I am proud of being me, and NOBODY can take that away from me.

But that's just how I express my pride in my individuality. Other people can do it in their own way.
Doesn't matter if you're a skinhead, a rudeboy, a chinese ah beng, or some random malay mat.

You choose who you wanna be, and NOBODY can take it away from you.

Now,
Since we ALL have that FREEDOM OF CHOICE, to be the kind of person we want to be,
WHY should we give shit to people, because of their decisions?

WHO ARE WE, to judge what is right, or cool, for a person.

And I'm talking about all the Minahs and Mats out there, whose been affected by the ANTI MINAHS AND KENINGS 2.0 CONTROVERSY.

Now don't get me wrong, I too, like any other sane person out there, don't really fancy malay gangsters and all their eccentricities.
BUT I FEEL FOR THESE GUYS, why?

BECAUSE I think that what this Arshanti lady is doing is wrong.
and all those people supporting her, the blog, the facebook acct, you are no better.

Right now, everything's a mess.
They're bombarding each other with hate messages and all.
It's never gonna end.

In the first place, Arshanti shouldn't have put up pictures of all those people on Facebook. That's just rude.
NOW TELL ME I'M WRONG.
Don't you think it is wrong? To be putting up pictures of random people, people she doesn't know, and dissing them.

What I've learnt is to never judge a book by it's cover. They might look all MATish and all, but some of them ARE nice people.

Now since these people have been ATTACKED, for no apparent reason, of course they'll react.

and so they create another facebook fan page, to boycott Arshanti's AM&K2.0,
and surprise2, all Arshanti's friends pictures are on the profile.
and same thing again, alot of hate remarks.

Then we got a blog from the 'minahs' dissing the 'anti-minahs'.

SEE.. NEVERENDING..

Now I'm pissed because, these people are fighting over nothing.
and alot of heartpain for alot of people.

I also saw Arshanti's status on facebook when that happened.
She wrote something like "The minah's kutuk budak punks n skins.. They're looking for trouble"
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

Now who was the one looking for trouble first?
I know it was wrong for them to fight back with such harsh words, but it's only natural don't u think?

2ndly, "They're looking for trouble"?
Well to me, it sounds like you seem very confident of yourself there. What if they did come looking for trouble? Who are you gonna fall back on?
The scene kids? The punks? The skins?
It seems like you're expecting help, when you're not at all sure that you're gonna get it.
What? You're gonna go to town, round up all the scene kids, and get them to save your butt?
If that was the case, I wouldn't join you. Definitely.

Is or was Arshanti with the x-core kids?
If she was, haha, nuff said.

I don't know la. I don't know where to start. You talk about people being childish mats and starting fights and all, but you, wether u know it or not, are doing just that.

Wouldn't ANY of you feel hurt, if somebody you didn't know, who doesn't know you, talk bad about you?

You can come talk to me for a more in-depth conversation.
There's so much to say.

NENEK JUAL KEROPOK IS REAL!

2009-07-29T02:56:00.007+08:00

NENEK JUAL KEROPOK IS REAL!

Firstly I'd like to say:
'Fuck You!' to all those who have believed in the stupid Nenek Jual Keropok story.

why?

Cos it's utter crap.

We shouldn't be going around believing every single story told to us. Especially not one about a cranky old lady who has a failing cracker business and resorts to cursing random households to earn enough to feed her Pontianak.

Now hear me out for abit.

WHAT IF? that old lady really does exist, BUT she's really ttying to make an honest living by selling her keropok. She has to earn enough to feed her 3 grandchildren and/or to pay rent. None of you fuckers out there are giving her any business because, some dumbass superstitious prick sent a few bad smses...
It could be that her keropoks were really bad, somehow, but noooooooo. Somebody HAD to make up a story about it being cursed and all.
FUCK YOU.

WHAT IF? it was all a marketing scheme, to get more listeners to tune in to Misteri Jam 12? I mean, it could've started out as a joke or something, just for entertainment, but turns out, there really was an old lady selling keropok. Now nobody will buy any from her.
FUCK YOU.
WHAT IF? She really was an carrying an evil spirit and out to curse every home out there. Then what? What were we taught in Religious class? That no man, creature, ghost or any form is bigger or stronger than the one who created it. Don't tell me all those homes with a strong religious foundation will get attacked too? And those homes with religiously inclined decoration, ayat ni la, ayat tu la, they will get attacked too? The people who regularly pray and what not, they will get attacked too? WHY? Cos they didn't want to buy Keropok?!?!?!? Kirakan ape? This pontianak is waaaaayyyy stronger than all your teachings, all your beliefs, and your God!
You're letting an SMS get the best of your FAITH.
I'm not a religious person at all. You might even call me an agnostic. But I respect the religious teachings, and c'mon la, this is no way to act...
FUCK YOU.
WHAT IF? There was no nenek selling keropok at all. No ghost. No pontianak. No stale keropok.
You guys just bought the most lame ass keropok ever.
FUCK YOU!

Some of you even go as far as saying

"ooohh, my uncle's house got hit!"
"my mom's friend encountered it!"
"yesterday there was an old nenek knocking on my door!"
"my friend's cousin's brother's girlfriend's mom's husband's house got visited by her!"

Have any of you actually SEEN the old lady?
or better still,
BOUGHT the keropok?
How many of your homes actually got haunted by a Pontianak?
Shouldn't you all be dead by now?

Some I even ask,
"When she came knocking, what did you do?"

And they answer:
"I didn't open the door lah! You think I stupid issit?"

YES YOU ARE!!!!
If you never opened the door, how in the world would you have known that it was her?

Probably it was some distant relative who came by for a visit. But nooooo, you couldn't let her in.
Didn't matter if the person at your door was bleeding from the hips from a car accident, nooooo, you couldn't open the door...

Or she really was an old lady selling keropok, for Pertapis or Boy's Home or something. Just not the Pontianak keropok lady.
FUCK YOU!

Then there are some of you, who tell me, after I've expressed my views on the subject,
"What if it's real azhar?"

What do you mean what if it's real? To be asking such a question is a waste of time, cos obviously you never took the effort to think things through.
You just jump to the 'what if it's real' conclusion.

okay, so what if it's real?
You all die la.

BUT AT LEAST WE KNOW IT'S REAL!!!
Sacrifice one to save 4 million Singaporeans.
okay wat.

I urge you people to think properly.
We all live in this modern world,
where the paper chase is the most important thing.
We go to school, try to get diplomas and degrees.
And we pride ourselves for being smart.
But nobody seems to be using their brain.
THINK THINK THINK!!!!

This kind of mentality is the same kind which fuels racism, sexism and all other kinds of biasness in this world.
You don't know the whole truth, but you jump to conclusions, you sterotype.
You ruin reputations.
Think about it.

Lastly. I found this.
http://cyberita.asia1.com.sg/msingapura/story/0,6879,146003-1248731940,00.html?
go read it.

2009-07-11T07:09:00.004+08:00

I just wanna say something random.

I miss ALL the girls I've ever been with.
No matter how shortlived the relationships were, they were no doubt still relationships.
Better than what I have now.

I've been alone for way too long.
It's killing me.

There are some I miss more than the others.
But I won't say who.
But it's not just one.

And it's not only because I am lonely that I miss them.
I miss them also and especially because some or should I say most of them are amazing people.
Smart
Funny
Beautiful
Traits that I would want my GF to have.

Unfortunately, things never turn out the way I hope.
and the sad thing is for some of them, I never got the chance to confess my 'love'to them,
and before i know it, they get swept off their feet by somebody else.
life sucks.

So, again I say,
I miss u.

k Bye.
I wanna kill myself.

2009-06-24T10:58:00.002+08:00

I've stopped searching for ways to commit suicide already.
Partly because I've already done so.
I've driven myself into a path of no return, of a slow and painful death.
A path, that will torture me every now and then as I grow older.

This lack of enthusiasm to complete anything is gonna be the death of me.
I foresee that I will have trouble getting a career, and settling down.
I will have lots of debts, job hunts, free time and friends.
I will have very little money, credibility and gfs.

but.
seeing that the roller coaster of my life has reached its peak and is going downhill, going nowhere fast,
I've decided to do all the things that I haven't been able to put in my full 100% in.
Not that it's 100% now.

I've started writing songs again.
In about 3 hours yesterday, I came up with 3 new songs for the band,
and 2 for my personal self.

Eventhough school isn't really my cup of tea,
I've been to the library regularly recently,
and borred books on

Design
Art
Psychology
Philosophy
Philosophy
Design
Poker
Motorcycles
Design
Design

Learning is still important. eventhough i suck at it.

I've also shaved my hair.
Mohawk again!

one thing is for sure... my brain is slowing down, I can't write as fast as I wan't to.
Ideas, vocabulary and etc just don't seem to pop up when they're supposed to..
It takes awhile for me to think of what I'm supposed to type.
I'm just not quick enough anymore..

heh
If I think I'm growing dumber,
how can I not?
Especially with the lack of intelligent conversation from anybody.
You've got bimbos and what not on Tagged who are only oh so pretty but can't spell their name if it didn't involve a shag.
Where am I supposed to practice my speech? My creative writing? My powers of debating?
How can I NOT grow dumb?

2009-06-05T02:08:00.001+08:00

I feel like drowning myself in a deep pool of quick drying cement.

2009-06-05T02:07:00.002+08:00

I feel like doing 160 on my RXK and ramming it straight into a wall of rusty nails.

2009-06-05T01:39:00.015+08:00

AAAAAHHHH!!!!!
I CAN'T DO THIS!
I CAN'T DO ANYTHING!!!
I can't study.
I can't sleep.
I'M NOT MOTIVATED TO DO ANYTHING AT ALL!
i'm even too lazy to eat.
I SHOULD THINK I'M DEPRESSED, AM I?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!??!?!?!?!
and being single for this long really isn't helping my self esteem.

"YOU CAN DO IT!"
"WORK HARD"
"WORK HARDER"
"MOTIVATE YOURSELF TO BE BETTER"

FUCK YOU!
it's fuckin' difficult!
i'm tired of life.
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK

I AM SUCH A LOSER!!!
DISSAPOINTMENT!!!
HOPELESS!!!
my younger brother is giving me pocket money.

CAN I KILL MYSELF?

2009-03-24T12:45:00.006+08:00

I'm still short of $100 to continue school.
and I'm waiting for a job confirmation before I can earn that money.
I'm hoping people will lend me the money. Bit by bit.
But nobody seems to bother.
Haiz...

Anyway, as much as I really want that cash for my school fees, today's post is not about money.
Last month, my classmates had their FINAL presentation.
An all night video screening of their work, based on a certain theme, with music and all.
Everybody was there. Almost.

Anyway, there was a point of time when one of the soundmen, stood up and said
"Hey guys! Azhar is back here, he's hiding!"
and I never showed my face.

Honestly speaking, I did want to.
I wanted to say somethings.
But I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
If it's any consolation my fellow MGBD classmates, this was what I wanted to say:

"Firstly, I would like to congratulate all of you for completing YEAR ONE,
and for putting up an extraordinarily amazing show that night.
You guys have put in alot of effort, and cracked your brains non-stop,
sacrificing eat, sleep and your social life to pull this project off.
And I believe you guys have done so for every other project before this.
I really admire you guys for having that sort of discipline to pull yourselves through all the crap that's been thrown your way.
I am envious of your achievements.

I would also like to apologise, to all my classmates,
for I know, I've been quite the ASS sometimes.
Most of the time.
All of the time.
I haven't been coming to school regularly.
Haven't been doing my work regularly.
And I haven't been paying attention regularly.
It's fine if it was just me, but I know my actions could've cost you your work as well.
I know I have fucked up your precious efforts on more than one occasion.
And for that, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for failing, not the course, but in general, even after some of you guys, have given me encouragement.
That belief in me, was what I needed to pull me through, but when I got it,
I took it for granted.
I apologise.

Lastly, To my lecturers.
Especially Miss Sherlyn.
I know I've said alot already.
Not today, but before today.
I've given you false hope, and taken your advice and sincerity for granted.
There's nothing much I can say cos you've heard it all, I guess.
but this time,
wether I do get to continue school or not,

I'm Sorry.

So to all my NYP friends.
Congratulations.

If any of my classmates happen to read this,
please let the others read it too?
Miss Sherlyn too maybe?

2009-03-22T14:17:00.008+08:00

I was feeling really shitty yesterday,
depressed kinda shitty,
and I had trouble sleeping.

Eventually I did, at about 7am.

It's about 2.20pm now and I just woke up from a peculiar dream.
I'm not one to rant on and on about my dreams.
I don't dwell on fabulous things fabricated within my deep slumber.
But I suddenly feel propelled to write this down.
I'm unsure why.

The dream goes like this:

I threw my brothers out of the house because they were beginning to become unruly.
Lazy, wreckless, lying and rude.
I got so ticked, I decided to catch a movie, with my friends. Which I rarely do.

At the cinema, after purchasing the tickets, we proceeded to hang out at a nearby amusement park.
That's where i first layed my eyes upon this stunning lady, laughing with her female companions over ice-cream.
She sat on a wooden bench, much like those you see in your Secondary School canteens, one leg over the other and had her arms crossed on her lap.
The girl in my dream was petite, about 1.5 - 1.6 metres in height, maybe.
She had short black hair, that bobbed up and down as she walked, and blew sideways across her face when the breezy winds passed.
The little lady dressed herself in a short blue denim skirt, that went all the way up to her thighs, and a cute little white t-shirt that had those jokes on them. You know? The kind you see in Bugis like "Good Bush - Bad Bush" kinda thing.
Her smile was captivating, sweet, demure, humble, but at the same time, you knew she was outgoing, overtly friendly and open, just from her smile.
She had nice eyes that seemed to glimmer under the sunlight everytime she turned to converse with her friends. I really can't remember much, but all I know for sure was, she was undeniably cute.

My friends and I preceeded to one of the rides at the park. Soon after, we were joined by those girls.
I stood in line, waiting to purchase my overpriced, overrated roller coaster ticket. Now, I don't know why I did this, because I would almost never get on a roller coaster in real life. Anyway, I was the last of all my friends to get in line, so I didn't know anybody behind me.
The thought of the cute little girl in the blue denims invaded my mind suddenly. Wondering what she was doing, I turned, hoping to catch a quick glance of that enchanting smile.

I stepped back and almost tripped in utter shock, when I saw that the girl of my dreams, was standing right behind me. She was standing straight with her hands cupped behind her arched back, had her head tilted up in my direction, and swaying herself back and forth gently by tiptoeing, then standing on her heels.
She had on her a huge smile, and looked at me straight in the eyes. It was more of a 'haha, you didn't see me hide the birthday cake, I'm innocent' smile more than anything.
In my disorientation, I smiled back, and turned back in line.

I looked at the clock, it read half past three.
"Hi"
I heard someone saying. Obviously it was the girl behind me.
I turned, timidly raised my right hand to my shoulders and said hi back. I almost did a wave.

So, a conversation ensues, and the both of us decide to get out of line. I think it was because I came to my senses and remembered that I don't like all these rides. That, and because I was enraptured before her very presence.

Now the rest of the dream is a blur. Just like most dreams are.

But I remember distinctly, that we talked a lot. She mentioned that she knew who I was, and I, being the dumbfounded love fool that I became then, didn't know who she was, and could't even be bothered to crank the insides of my cranium to figure it out.

At the end of the few hours at the park, we got really comfortable with each other.
We walked closer together, and made jokes and laughed our asses off, making a fool of ourselves in public.
She was intelligent, had a good command of her language, and was very communicative. Everytime I made a philosphical or social statement, like I always do, she'd pause for a moment, stare at the ground thinking, then look at me and explain to me what I just said, in her own words, indicating that she understood me very well, or at the very least, tried to.

I was quickly taking a liking to this girl, who exudes confidence and all of the qualities of my 'dream girl'.

At the movies, we sat together and stayed silent throughout the film. Another plus point because I hate it when people ask questions or start discussing about the film, WHILE watching the film.

We chatted again after the show, and we got closer. I had my arms around her as we sat on the bench under the blank sky. The winds grew stronger every moment as darkness began to blanket the once orange skyline. The sight of her silky smooth thighs exposed as her skirt went up slightly when she sat down, sent tingles down the back of my ear. She was so cute, and smart, I think I was falling in love. She took my hand and lay it gently on her lap. Her skin, cold on my palms, was a sensation I cannot find the will to describe. She leaned closer to me. First, one arm. Then, the other. She kept me in her little bear hug as she closed her eyes and took a rest.
And I thought to myself, I MUST be dreaming.

Damn.
I don't remember the rest of the dream.

I think I need a girlfriend real quick.

2009-03-10T06:27:00.002+08:00

I want my very own Orked!
can?

u know, from the movies:
Sepet
Gubra
Mukhsin

Anyone out there like that?

2009-03-08T04:20:00.004+08:00

It was my Birthday yesterday.

Thank you to for wishing me a Happy Birthday:
(in order)

Azween
Saw
My father

My mother
Shimah
Atie
Azlynda
Hairah
Nadia (MCM)
Aidil
Farish
Khai
Gyant
Syidah
Sam
Farhan Taib
Syed
Azlyn
Zyrul
Sid Kecik

Sery
Iffah

THANK U SAM!!
If I havent mentioned anybody's name here, i apologise.
some of ur numbers have gone missing from my phonebook.
and i cant reply or call.
so ya.
but i did get all of ur msg(s)

thank u.

mati ah

Nobody Misses Me

2009-02-24T19:22:00.000+08:00

I messed up.

2008-11-23T22:00:00.002+08:00

I like November!

I like having a phone!

I like Vespas!

I like Photoshop!

I like Illustrator!

I like After Effects!

I like 3DS Max!

I like school!

I like my friends!

I like my family!

I like Ayam Lemak Chilli Padi!

I like Roti Kirai!

I like Redbull!

I like November!

2008-11-21T23:17:00.000+08:00

I LIKE NOVEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-13T22:22:00.003+08:00

My friend died yesterday.
121108

My friend died last year.
041107

God please don't take anymore of my friends.
Not so soon anyway.

To the 1st one: Goodbye

2008-11-11T01:05:00.002+08:00

Your'e long gone.
But if I ever see you again,
I swear it's gonna hurt.

To the 3rd and 4th one: Sorry but it's hard

2008-11-11T00:35:00.003+08:00

This silence is killing you.
But it is my companion.
It's the one thing that's numbing the pain that I endure everyday.

To say
To look
To smile
Only tightens the grip rejection has on this rose crux under my chest.

Like a needle through the lip, or tongue, or ear.
This piercing, only a thousand times magnified,
deep in my core,
a scar intense,
only the profound crimson of blood overwhelms it.

I try to let go,
only to tighter clenches of heartbreak.
As pressure violently escalates,
other scars open up,
multiplying the pain,
exaggerating its torment.

I try and try
but it makes me want to cry
because when your nearby
I just want to die.

To the 2nd one: Do Believe

2008-11-10T04:52:00.009+08:00

Raise my arms
in hope,
to boundless sky
and unrelenting rain.

Pearls of water
fill the emptiness
of the crescent
to my curved shaped palms.

I yearn for you,
to be my sun in the dark sky,
to be my shelter in the pouring rain,
to be there when I need you.

Your embrace,
a blanket of warm summer breeze,
soft and soothing,
like a remedy to the cruel winter zephyr.

Your words,
they sing to this stone fist,
creating molten lava,
that burns of infatuation.

Your eyes,
they pierce, deep into the soul,
of a stone soldier,
lost in solitude and despair.

Raise my arms
in hope,
to boundless sky
and unrelenting rain.

I raise them still,
through bitter tempest,
and ruthless gales.

Futile.

Thoughts wander,
to once,
when the nights weren't cold.

------

Like lovebirds in the spring,
fluttering among flowers,
bathing endlessly
in the smell of sweet nectar,

As light turns to dark,
they retreat,
to veiled nests,
away from the wilderness.

The night cruises away,
as the birds indulge,
to the spoils of love,
to the transient satisfaction of their insatiable lust.

Nights spent,
spoiling themselves,
to this lustful fervor,
that intimate endeavor.

The nights,
long as the river meanders,
inevitably ends,
a season of sensual frolicking,
of exceptional intimacy.

The graceful lovebird,
radiant and dazzling,
flies away,
to the wings of another,
to the comfort of her new partner.

-----

I tell you sweet things,
it might sound unreal.
It's because your'e beautiful,
plus it doesn't kill.
I never had you,
and I never will.
But believe me when I say,
your'e in my heart still.

2008-11-08T10:52:00.003+08:00

To want, a need so superficial
a desire unbound from logic.
to emerge rapacity, is but inevitable.
but for those who need, its natural.

2008-11-07T23:53:00.007+08:00

I don't want to endure,
I want to give in.
For to keep this heart beating,
is without reason.

ROMANCE
Romance, it loves to bathe and swim,
beneath the pale moonlight, so elegant and graceful it seems.
Floats so gently near the surface its peculiar,
in a nearby lake where its so familiar.

To sing and dance it taught me,
strength, it came, so sudden, so wonderfully.
Its image in my mind, beneath a hole in the sky,
shone light thru trees, encouraging me to try.

To the delirious eye more lovely things.

The cold of the water overcame my hand,
to have it, and bring it back to my land.
I was happy - for it was mine.
I was happy - for only that time.

Romance, but a fish,
tempting, yet slippery,this diamond ring.
To want or to have it'd be Forbidden things!

the cold turned warm
the dark turned bright
dawned upon me that my hands were light
drenched it was but nothing more
for romance has escaped me again,
to swim to another shore.

Azhar - 081108

2008-11-06T22:22:00.004+08:00

I don't know what to blog about.
I'm sure there's alot to talk about.
But I don't know where to start.

SCHOOL
I officially got reinstated to my course of study recently. So that means I can continue studying as per normal.

3D sucks. Not the subject, but the way it's taught.
No offense, well maybe a little, but c'mon, I seriously feel David would do a better job at teaching us 3D. He's teaching you as you go, and 2nd hand information is never accurate or effective.

Typo seems cool enough. Interested, but haven't really put in enough effort. I will.

Project is going great.
I don't know if our work so far is good enough, but I sure am proud of it. And it WILL get better.

MONEY
I'm broke. This time worse than ever.

TP's coming up soon. Spent alot of money to book it. Don't really think I can pass.
Not in the right state of mind to do so.

I cycle to school everyday now, cos' I really can't afford the transport, and that's taking a toll on my body. Not that I'm super lethargic or anything.. But my arms, back and legs ache like fuck.

I have about $2.50 to spend each day, and that's about enough for 1 lunchtime meal.
Urgh...

LOVELIFE
Or should I say the apparent lack of it...
With each passing day, I grow numb to rejection.
How can I not?
One after the other.
and if I'm not wrong, this would be the 4th time in 10 months.
THAT'S PATHETIC FOR ME!!!
FOR ANYBODY!!!!
This is NOT the kind of beating a heart is supposed to endure.
In time, this throbbing fist in my chest, will harden and turn to stone,
then, come what may, I won't feel a thing, cos what was once a vibrant heart would have turned to nothing more than rock.

I don't care if it's you, or you, or you, or that other you.
My feelings for you(s) were strong.
Never really got the chance to show them.
Nevermind.

I don't have any grudges or anything.
But that doesn't mean I can't feel shitty everytime I see you(s)

A LONELY SEPTEMBER
I know it's not september now, but, it's the song I keep listening to these past few days.

I got drunk yesterday night and came to school with a hangover.
I was wrong, ALCOHOL is the ultimate anti-depressant.

WELL LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE
What bright side?

2008-10-20T11:34:00.001+08:00

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday - Boys II Men

How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh
Outweigh the bad.

I thought wed get to see forever
But forevers gone away
Its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

I dont know where this road
Is going to lead
All I know is where weve been
And what weve been through.

If we get to see tomorrow
I hope its worth all the wait
Its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And Ill take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
Its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And Ill take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
Its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

2008-10-19T23:26:00.001+08:00

it sucks

:)

2008-10-19T05:25:00.002+08:00

Life's not bad after all... period.

I paid my school fees already.
So I get to continue school, soon.
I'm still suspended though, but nevermind, I still get to attend class.

I booked my TP already. Now I just need to get a PDL.

I CUT MY HAIR!!!!!
woohooo!!!

hmm, what else?

My Grandpa's getting better, probably.
He might get to go home soon. Still sickly though.
Well at least he doesn't have to die in a hospital right?

Well, anyway, alot of things have happened lately...
But one thing remains the same...
I mean,
No matter which time I'm in, what I'm doing with my life,
there's this one thing that has been successful at staying consistent in my life.

Everytime I get close to a girl,
When i really start to like her,
When I realise how special she might be in my life,
When I start to feel that I want her in my life...

...I get "dumped"
for somebody else...

I mean, it's not the first time it's happened.
Quite a number of times.

When things are just starting to get good,
somehow,
the girl manages to find another guy.

THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY?!?!??!?!?!?!?!

As happy, or satisfied as I am with my school and all now,
life still somehow sucks because of this one thing.

I let myself fall for somebody,
and then realise,
that instead, I let myself fall face down onto the pavement.

Like getting a big scar,
it stings!
it sucks!
it hurts!

Am I not a good enough guy?
I mean, seriously.

There was this one time,
this girl I knew,
we started getting closer,
and after spending some time with her,
getting close to her,
I started to like her.
And before I could get the chance to reveal my feelings,
She finds herself a boyfriend.
I know I might be a lil' slow to make a move,
but,
c'mon,
Am I THAT unlucky?????
It's happened more than once.

and recently it happened again.
and in such a short time.
terima kasih tummy trim.

I change my mind,
LIFE DOES SUCK.

p.s. Nad, can't believe I saw you just now!!
U were so pretty!

2008-10-05T20:05:00.002+08:00

I can pretty much kill myself now

Jobless
School-less
Broke
In Debt
No License
No Bike
No Girlfriend
No Fuck
Grandpa dying
Not getting any younger
No more duit raya

this sucks

2008-10-01T23:54:00.002+08:00

Sad to say...
I cannot meet the deadline for settling my school fees...
It's this Friday (3rd Oct)...
Which also translates to me not being able to continue 2nd Semester...

I'm so sad...

I've tried looking for quick jobs, that didn't work out.
Savings? None.
Loans? Can't. I don't want to take loans, plus, I don't think I can. Having to look for guarantors and all.

I'm so sad...

I won't get to see my classmates anymore...
Temporary? Permanent?
I don't know...

If any lecturer happens to read this, I have this to say:

I SWEAR I'M INTERESTED IN SCHOOL!!!
I HAD SOME ISSUES AND IT'S HARD TO COPE!!!
I KNOW IT'S NOT ENOUGH BUT I'M TRYING MY BEST!!!
AND JUST BECAUSE I DON'T COME BACK TO SCHOOL(period.) DOESN'T MEAN I'M A HOPELESS MUTHAFUCKER WITH NO DREAMS AND AMBITIONS!!!
I WANNA BE SOMEBODY!!!

I wish I could, continue school that is, but I swear, I don't know what to do.

To all my new friends from school:

It's been nice knowing you
:)

Selamat Hari Raya

MY LIFE SUCKS

2008-09-08T05:54:00.004+08:00

I know its been awhile since I last blogged.
Really didn't have the time.
Now that I do, I have no mood for it.

Some of you guys have been asking what has been going on in my life.
Well, recently, nothing worth mentioning.
Or at least, nothing to be too happy about.

Well here's a quick summary on what has happened.

I guess I failed first semester. Didn't hand it projects. Had some problems.
I lost my job at St James. I have yet to figure out why.
I haven't paid my school fees. Was planning to work throughout the holidays to pay for my fees. No chance for that now.
Im broke
I had 2 teeth pulled out. Its the 2 teeth infront of the wisdom tooth. Now, chewing hard foods is troublesome.
I've been sick
I think I'm lonely.

On a lighter note:

Preperations for the F1 event is going smoothly. Bar stuff mostly settled. Now all that's left is to hire the bartenders. They need to be interviewed.
I did the logo and stuff for the bar company thats doing the F1 event. I get to see my tiny work at a huge event! wow!

Thats about it. I don't really have much to talk about.

A good friend of mine, asked me to update my blog.
I don't think that friend knows it, but:
you're more than just a friend. whatever u may be, your special. no doubt about it.

I'm working on a few new songs for my band.
Have some cool riffs and lyrics done.

2008-07-08T09:22:00.003+08:00

Well, there hasn't been much to blog about the past few weeks.
Life's been pretty hectic...

I've finally decided to get a laptop. Sometime middle of the month.
HP TX2000
Go google it up or something.

Work?
I'm finally settling down at work, getting used to how things work, the working hours.
Plus my Bar Supervisor is being really nice in letting me adjust my schedule to make it easier for me, with school and all.
That's work, it's been okay I guess.

School?
Hmm, school? School's been weird for me. I havent been putting in alot of effort, i guess.
Been missing out on some classes, assignments, projects.
I don't mean to, but, I don't know.
Hopefully things will be better once I get my laptop.
To anybody from school who might be reading:

I WANT TO DO WELL. JUST GIVE ME SOME TIME. JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE.

Friends?
I haven't been hanging out as much as I'd like to. Been tired, and busy.

BGR?
Haha... Still no GF. Which is good. I'm not planning on getting a GF. It'll be too difficult. My plan now is to study and work. That's all.
But that doesn't mean I'll be deprived of anything in anyway lah.
To people like Fidi, or whoever, who might understand what I'm talking about,
yes, it's still 'happy'.
;) ;) ;)

I'm doing free motion graphics for some music people. Haven't really started yet, but I'll update more once I know more.
My cousin also offered me an opportunity to do Motion Graphics for him.
Then there's a teacher who wants me to do Motion Graphics for him too.
And this lady friend of mine, in some business, who also offered me a job.

Turned them all down, because I don't know if I can cope. Especially when I haven't got the means to do my work. Yet.

I hope to get my bike license by Hari Raya, which is October. Need to start saving quick.

People always blog about how they're feeling and all.
Now I'd like to tell you how I'm feeling.
I'm feeling left out.
HAHAHA...

I WILL TREAT THE FIRST PERSON WHO GUESSES WHY I'M FEELING LEFT OUT,
A MEAL / CIGARETTES

till next time. bye.

2008-07-08T09:18:00.003+08:00

UPDATES ON UPCOMING GIGS

2008-06-29T20:50:00.002+08:00

!!!!!!COME DOWN FOR THIS GIG!!!!!!

Well, it's been awhile since I last blogged. So much has happened in the previous weekends.

My band was one of the six winners for the Listen To The Salad Days band competition.
We won ourselves a goodie bag full of band stuff, and a free recording.. Eventhough its just for one song, it's still a recording.
Had a fun time performing at Home Club after that. Got drunk and danced. Drunk.

bye

2008-06-17T18:13:00.002+08:00

VISIT MY BAND'S NEW MYSPACE ACCOUNT!!!!!
MURDER BY SKA
http://www.myspace.com/murderbyska

SKAPUNK ATTACK @ HOMECLUB 22ND JUNE
6PM, $12

AND COME SUPPORT MY BAND!! 22ND JUNE @SCAPE YOUTH PARK

ONE OF THE JUDGING CRITERIA IS AUDIENCE RESPONSE AND APPEAL, SO I NEED PEOPLE TO CHEER ME ON!!

2008-06-12T14:18:00.004+08:00

Didn't have enough time to really do what I wanted to do...
Could've done more...
No difference, cos I failed this project... Got an F...

Soundtrack is original. Its my own composition.
Animation I did myself, manually, no presets or whatever it is you guys are talking about.
Vector images drawn myself.
30 secs is not enough!! haha.

My previous project...

2008-06-05T12:34:00.002+08:00

I hate to admit this, but...

I SWEAR I'M STRUGGLING IN SCHOOL

help

2008-05-24T10:00:00.003+08:00

Wednesday
0730hrs : wake up
0900 : school
1800 : school ends
1900 : Reach St James
2100 : 15min Smoking Break
Thursday
0400 : Finish work
0500 : Transport arrives
0600 : Reach home
0630 : eat
0700 : get ready to sleep
0730 : Wake up
0900 : School
1800 : School ends
2130 : go home after self 'study'
2200 : reach home
2230 : DIE

total hours awake : 39 hours

Isn't it fun working the nightlife???

2008-05-19T23:33:00.004+08:00

Andy Warhol (Andrew Warhola)

Andy Warhol was an American artist and filmmaker.
He was the leading exponent of the Pop Art movement. He chose his imagery from common everyday items such as money, soup cans, soft drink bottles and soap-pad boxes.
He is famous for consistently attempting to ridicule and celebrate middle-class values by blurring the distinction between popular and high culture.
Monotony and repetition became the trademark of his works, multi-image, mass produced silk screen paintings.

In the Mid 1960s, Andy Warhol began making films.
Some of his films are

Flesh (film) (1968)
Blue Movie (1969)
Trash (1969)
Women in Revolt (1970-71)
Andy Warhol's Bad (1976)

In 1973, Warhol launched a magazine Interview, a publication centered upon his fascination with the cult of celebrity.

He died in 1987 from complications following surgery.

Pop Art was a movement which began in England in the mid 1950s. It was inspired by the commercialism which developed during World War II.
It is art where common objects were used as subject matter and were often physically incorporated in the work.
Its iconography (taken from TV, comics, movies, magazine, and all forms of advertising) was presented emphatically and objectively, without praise or condemnation but with overwhelming immediacy, and by means of commercial techniques used by the media. Which is also where the iconography was taken from initially.

ANDY WARHOL's TRASH

Time

2008-05-19T04:49:00.010+08:00

Turns out TIME really does play a huge part in growing up...

Hahaha...
I know it might sound stupid, but, I just realized how huge a significance the age gap between my classmates and I is...

Most of them are 17? 18? this year? It might not seem much, but 5/6 years difference is really alot.
Here are some examples...

I remember using Microsoft 3.1 when i was in Primary 1 or so... Microsoft 3.1 was released in 1991 if im not wrong...

Since we're dealing with graphic design and all, I remember using Adobe Photoshop V2.5. That was released in 1993 I think...

One of the earliest video games I played was on MS-DOS, World Cup Italia '90.

I also had the privilege of enjoying the ancient Sega Mega Drive, with games such as Sonic The Hedgehog, Golden Axe, Revenge of Shinobi, Michael Jackson's Moonwalker

The music that I listened to when I was a kid came from wonders like New Kids On The Block, MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, Guns N Roses, Metallica.

I religiously watched TV shows such as Sesame's Street, Lamb Chops Play Along, Biker Mice From Mars, Street Sharks, Animaniacs, Transformers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Ducktales, Thunder Cats, James Bond Jr, Speed Racer, Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers, He-Man, Power Rangers, Freakazoid, The Tick and so many more.

http://www.cartoonintros.com/ <<<< PLEASE WATCH

I remember the release of one of Wes Craven's Freddy Krueger films, It scared the shit outta me... Also there was Stephen King's IT, The Langoliers, Pet Semetary... Which is why I like Stephen King so much now.

I remember using the WWW when I was around 11 years old? Using dial-up... hahaha...

There' s so many more examples, I just can't name them all. For those of you reading this and have no clue at all what I'm talking about, I must tell you, you missed out on the best decade ever... The 90s was when everything was new, everything was fresh, everything was getting better. Everything was positive, fun and happy. It's just not the same anymore.

I MISS THE 90s...

2008-05-18T23:21:00.007+08:00

!!! I GOT THE JOB AT ST JAMES !!!

2008-05-18T16:29:00.001+08:00

WHAT IS SEMIOTICS

2008-05-13T23:29:00.004+08:00

Semiotics, semiotic studies, or semiology is the study of sign processes (semiosis), or signification and communication, signs and symbols, both individually and grouped into sign systems. It includes the study of how meaning is constructed and understood.

blah blah blah...

I've read a few of my classmates' blogs and i found that all of them have tried very hard to explain semiotics. Now i shall try my very best, in point form.

Semiotics is the study of signs, combination of signs, how the signs are used, and the meanings attached to them.

Signs can be - Literal
- Symbolic
- Metaphoric
In semiotics, signs can be anything. Gestures, words, items, nature, senses. Anything.
Sometimes in semiotics, the meanings behind certain signs only work within a certain society or group, because they, as a group should agree on its simplified meaning (denotative definition).
Signs do not always work universally, because in its form of communication, the sign would most probably have to be recognized, acknowledged and decoded by the recipient.
In Metaphors, semiotics is exercised by comparing two different objects / situations and recognizing a particular characteristics that is similar.
Unlike similes which uses 'like' or 'as' in their comparisons, metaphors state that a this thing IS something else.

Ultimately, SEMIOTICS is the study of signs in communication to express a specific term, statements or ideas.

2008-05-12T01:40:00.005+08:00

I applied for a job at St James as a Bartender. Hope I can start soon.
If u work in the service line, I think this is something good to keep in mind.

"To serve people takes dignity and intelligence.
But, they are only people with money.
And although we serve them, we are not their servants.
What we do does not define who we are.
What defines us is how hard we try and how well we rise after falling."

OVER... FOR NOW...

2008-05-09T02:19:00.008+08:00

Well, finally SOME of my projects / assignments are complete...

On Wednesday we did our final presentation on Who Am I...
All I can say is that I'm really satisfied with my work... Okay maybe not really really satisfied, but I' ve done my best. I'm not really sure what the lecturers and all think about my work, but trust me, I've put in sooooo much effort. If anybody thinks otherwise, I'm gonna beat the crap out of them.
I hope I get good grades for this project. I don't know if I've improved it enough from the last presentation, but no matter, what's done is done...

Problems I faced while doing this project?
1. Time
2. Concept / Ideas
3. Techniques / Technical stuff

I swear I have no time to do this project, well, not enough at least. Compared to other classmates who have the luxury to do their work at home, I have to do my work in school. Which totally sucks.
I can't smoke while doing my job, I can't eat or drink, I can't be in comfortable home clothes...
That's just some minor stuff... Seriously, I cycle to school everyday, and to be cycling home after a long day in school is exhausting. I only have 5 days to complete my work each week, when the rest can do it over the weekend. I know I shouldn't be whining and complaining, but it can't be helped. This sort of pressure will get to me sooner or later. Having to rush to complete my work. By 9.30 !!! If I can do my work at home, I can do it overnight, just like all my previous computer projects!! Plus I'm so excited to be doing the work! It's just that, I have to do it under such extreme circumstances. haiz....

And with all that stress, I really couldn't conceptualize my ideas. I had so many cool ideas to work with, but when I got to the computer, my mind went blank. So trying to find the best way to portray who I am is so stressing.

Lastly, I've never used After Effects before. So that itself took up a whole chunk of my time, trying to figure out what each button does, what the effects are and how they work, how to create what i want...

I so need money.

And today (thursday), I JUST finished my I AM A SQUARE thingy... I did it in 3.5hours!!!!!! And spent 1.5 hours figuring out how to use the thing. I'm so pissed off with Final Cut Pro, it sucks so badly.

I feel so relieved that I've completed my work! But I'm still going to school early on friday to touch up some stuff. Maybe change things up abit. I still feel it's not good enough. I HAVE TO BE BETTER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE!!!

With all of that out of the way, all I have left is my color theory work.
I can't do the work on my own, cos I'm color deficient. I need a guide.
I don't have any of the paints.
I don't have the paintbrushes.
I don't have the paper( if they're asking for cartridge paper or something)

MONEY MONEY MONEY
Its all bout' the money.

I STILL haven't paid my school fees.
Still no Wacom Pen
Still no art materials
STILL no books.

But I did go to the library to borrow an After Effects book! So don't say I'm not trying!

THIS IS A SUPER LONG POST! IM SORRY!
BUT I HAVE TO VENT OUT MY FRUSTRATIONS SOMEWHERE!
i just hope somebody reads this and understands my pain.

P.s. Can somebody teach me how to make my blog prettier?? pics? layouts? sound? tagboard?
anything.

K, here's another song.

WHATS WRONG WITH THE WORLD TODAY

You see i wake up in the morning
to see the sunrise in the window
The sky above is burning
no one will ever see the snow

I never thought the world would change so much
I never thought the kids would fight and such
what the heck is going on
Is something wrong with me
Or is this world just gone?

People killing and people dying
Children hurt and families crying
What am i supposed to do
The planet's dying, yes its true

I never thought the world would change so much
I never thought the kids would fight and such
what the heck is going on
Is something wrong with me
Or is this world just gone?

All For The Money

2008-05-03T00:17:00.004+08:00

Ive finally started school...
NYP's Motion Graphics and Broadcast Design...
Good course, lots of potential... so far...

I've been coming early and staying back late in school since i started here...
Which is definitely weird for me...
I don't know if this attitude exists because i truly wanna change, or because i'm really enjoying myself in school...
But damn, there's so much work to be done...
Plus, i havent bought ANY school books, ANY materials, ANY computer accessories...
I havent even paid my school fees yet...
I don't know where i'm gonna get money for all of that...
Hope the school can gimme some time to settle all of these debts...

I really like doing my work...
Unfortunately i can't do any computer work at home...
This computer sucks...
I need to get a new computer, or a laptop... Any sponsors??
or else, i guess i'll be staying in school till 9.30pm everyday...

I'm suppose to start a blog for school...
I've never really blogged before, and i'm really not keen on doing it...
Like i've said before, i don't even know how to properly use this thing...
But, nevermind, i'll give it a shot...

haiz, no money...
:(
:(
:'(
:'(

k, wanna read more of my lyrics??

ALL FOR THE MONEY

The city's burning down,
deep inside you'll never see it.
It's all been hidden from
the brainwashed zombies living in it.

This propaganda never worked the way
it was portrayed
Corruption's buried everywhere
I guess that's how it's played

Consumer needs are not
what they would have on their mind
Theories of peace, equality
well theyr'e just wasting your time

With all this money,
we're living more than life should be
Too much I say,
too much of what we do not need

Ooh ooh ooh
All for the money

Well let me ask you
do you think that class is really fair?
Proletariat, Borgeouis to me
I really do not care

We've been to school , we've all been taught
we know what's wrong or right
Lets help each other,
you know we really shouldnt fight

Lets look around us,
Irag, Bush and all that shit
Do you think its right?
Im sure you would know what to think

Sit back, think back, dont forget your roots
whats all this fighting for?
We dont need cash,
Its peace we really need for all

well, thats all for now...
in my next post, i'll show u another of my lyrics...
so long and goodnight...

The First Day

2007-09-22T05:36:00.004+08:00

I've been reading quite a number of blogs recently, and it has propelled me to start one of my own.
I'm not really sure what to write about,
I'm not even sure how this thing works..
Give me time and i think i can make this an interesting blog..

What does blog actually mean anyways?
I've never really bothered to find out..
Can someone tell me??

Okay, maybe just to fill up space,
I'll let you people see the lyrics to my songs..
Maybe not all of them, but one i really like..

APA NAK JADI
Tiada guna kita hidup bersama di Singapura,
jikalau asyik gaduh, cari musuh, nak bertengkar.
Jalan jalan cari makan tak nak, nak cari pasal.
Perangai korang memang bagai orang tak berakal.

Apa nak jadi?
Dalam hidup ini.

Balik rumah tak nak, korang suka nah merayap.
Kasi muka naik kepala, tak pernah dengar cakap.
Tak pergi sekolah, tak pergi kerja, HAH! tak boleh harap.
"Heran, tak heran! Kerna kita tak akan kena tangkap."

So.. What do you think?
If you could understand it that is..

Okay, till next time..
So long..